Tonight I Wanna Cry
by bloodytears87
Summary: Ichigo loves Byakuya. But the noble wont admit his feelings until Ichigo decides he's had enough and can no longer take it. Will Byakuya be able to swallow his pride before it's too late? yaoi bya/Ichi


**Title: Tonight I Wanna Cry**

**By: BloodyTears87**

**Pairing: Byakuya/ Ichigo**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do NOT own bleach or any of its sexy characters =( i also down own the song Tonight I wanna cry by Keith Urban. **

**Summery: Ichigo loves Byakuya. But the noble wont admit his feelings until Ichigo decides he's had enough and can no longer take it. Will Byakuya be able to swallow his pride before it's too late?**

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**Alone in this house again tonight. I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine. There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me. The way that it was and could have been surrounds me I'll never get over you walkin' away.**

Byakuya Kuchiki sat in his home office listening to the sound of the crickets chirping outside. He held a bottle of sake in one hand and a small picture of an orange haired teen in the other. He couldn't believe the event that had taken place that day, not even an hour ago. He couldn't believe it yet his pride wouldn't allow him to do anything about it. It had forced him to just let the boy go…

**Flash back**

"_I do love you, you know…" the orange haired shinigami know as Ichigo Kurosaki said once again. Byakuya just stared at him emotionless. On the inside however his heart was soaring at the warm affectionate words spoken by his young lover. Though he had never once said them back he always thought Ichigo just knew. Apparently the noble was wrong. Byakuya was completely unaware of Ichigo's inner turmoil. He didn't know that he was hurting the boy by never reacting or saying what he felt. So what Ichigo said next was a huge shock. "I don't know if you love me back or if you just can't say it. It doesn't really make a difference because it all hurts the same… but I wanted to tell you again, one more time before I leave tomorrow."_

"_Leave?" Byakuya asked stunned. He couldn't comprehend what was going on._

"_Yes, I've decided that it would be best for both of us if I returned to the world of the living," Ichigo said not meeting the elder man's eyes. "I can't keep this going, it wouldn't be fair for me or you. So I'm going and you won't have to keep pretending…" With that the carrot-top turned and ran using his flash step so that the Kuchiki noble wouldn't see the tears threatening to spill over._

**End Flash back**

**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show and I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain.**

**To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain, from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry.**

Taking a large gulp of sake he reflected on what he had done wrong. For one he had never told Ichigo that he loved him. He never showed any feelings to his orange haired lover. Byakuya had been selfish thinking that he could keep taking and never give back. Ichigo had given him all his love and he had stuck by him through everything even when he had yelled at him during training and when he had refused to show him affection in public. The noble could feel the tears gather behind his eyes as he thought of all the ways he had done Ichigo wrong. The boy never complained. He took it all and he understood but it had become too much for him to stay by the man he loved day after day wondering if he meant anything to him.

**Would it help if I turned a sad song on "All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone. Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters. It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better, but I'll never get over you by hidin' this way.**

Reaching into his desk for another bottle of alcohol, the Kuchiki clan head found a paper that he had hidden in there out of the sight of prying eyes. It was a letter from Ichigo. Byakuya sat his nearly empty sake bottle down and took it out. He unfolded it carefully as if it would break any second. The tears that had built up started to fall as he re-read those loving words that he had took for granted.

_Byakuya,_

_I know you don't like me saying this stuff out loud in case someone hears… but I couldn't keep it all to myself. So I decided to write it in a letter so you can look at it whenever you want.. If you want to that is.. Heh getting ahead of myself aren't I? Well back to the point of this letter. I wanted to tell you all the things about you that make me love you, so you can understand why I love you so much. The reasons I love you can be summed up into five things._

_Number one is the way you make me feel. Whenever you're around my heart starts to beat fast in my chest and I swear that other people can hear it, it's so loud! I feel like I'm floating and I getting butterflies in my stomach that cause this tingly feeling to run down my spine and it gets more intense when you touch me._

_That leads me to reason number two. The way you touch me. You make me feel so needed. Like I'm important to you. Sometimes I feel like you're not looking at anyone else. Even when we spar and you're kicking my ass I love it! Because I know I have all your attention._

_Reason number three is that you're a great warrior and captain. I respect you so much even though I never showed it. Even though I called you by your first name I've always thought the most of you. When we were enemies and now that we're lovers that feeling has never changed. This leads me to reason number four._

_Because I think so highly of you as a person, a warrior and a leader I trust you with my life and more importantly my heart. So please don't break it… I may look tough, like I can handle anything and for the most part I can. I'm not that breakable. But my heart… it's pretty fragile. I haven't cared like this for anyone since my mother died. I've spent my life keeping people at arms length so I wouldn't get hurt but you.. You broke down my barriers and walked right in like you owned it. I guess you kinda did… but I find that I don't mind so much because I want you to have all me._

_And now for reason number five. You were able to break down my defenses. You forced me to let you in though you may not know it. I couldn't help but be drawn to you, like your soul was crying out to me. We're the same Byakuya… we've both lost someone dear to us and as a result we've tried to force out the rest of the world. We've tried not to get close for fear of getting hurt. Go ahead and deny it because I know you will but I won't believe you! I know enough about being hurt and I know enough about you to know what you're feeling inside. So when you ask me why I love you, my answer is how could I not… everything about you draws me in, makes me want to hold you and love you and comfort you even when you say you don't need it. But I do love you with every thing I have and that will never change. So I hope you're enjoying this letter and I can just see you twitching with annoyance at the mere suggestion of you needing anything or anyone but that's how I feel._

_Love Ichigo,_

Byakuya sat the letter down on his desk. He hadn't even read it before now. When he had received it he had just thrown it in his desk in annoyance of anyone finding out about them. The boy loved him so deeply and he hadn't even taken the time to read his letter that he obviously had put a lot of time and feeling into.

**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show and I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry.**

Slamming his hand on his desk he stood up all previous drunkenness gone. He knew what he had to do, he had to find his little strawberry and convince him that he loved him just as deeply. He knew that he was probably somewhere with Renji and the others probably having a going away party. With new determination Byakuya stomped out of the Kuchiki manor in search for his lover. He wouldn't let him go without a fight.

It didn't take him long to locate the orange haired substitute soul reaper. He was sitting at the bar with Captain Kuchiki's Lieutenant Renji Abarai and his little sister Rukia just as he had expected. He made his way over to the redheads. He could make out a little of their conversation as he got closer.

"Come on Ichigo, what's the matter? Why do you suddenly want to go home?" Renji asked him for the sixth time that night.

"I just need to get away for a while, that's all." Ichigo tried to convince. "I haven't seen my family in a while. My sisters think I'm at university; I'm sure they expect a visit soon anyways."

"But this is kind of sudden," Renji pressed. Ichigo heaved a sigh as he fought back tears again.

"I'd love to tell you Renji… I'd love to tell everyone on earth and in the Seireitei but I can't," Ichigo mumbled alcohol getting the better of him. "I can't tell anyone."

"Relationship problems?" Rukia tried. She was sitting on his other side trying to badger the truth out of him.

"Something like that," Ichigo allowed hoping they would just leave it at that. Rukia passed him another drink. They had brought him here hoping to get him drunk enough to spill his problems in hopes they could fix them so he wouldn't leave. He guessed he should have expected this. His two best friends wouldn't take him leaving suddenly lying down.

"Why don't you tell us about it? Do we know her?" Renji asked. Ichigo took a big gulp of his new drink. He had lost his ability to taste it after the 6th or 7th round, he couldn't remember.

"Who said it was a girl?" Ichigo said absent mindedly.

"WHAT?" they both shouted at the same time causing him to wince and cover his ears.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? TRYING TO MAKE ME DEAF?" he shouted back before settling down. "Besides, what difference does gender make?" he asked more to himself then them as he swished his drink about in his glass.

"It doesn't make a difference, we're just surprised that you swing that way," Rukia assured.

"Yea, relax." Renji said. "I'm not to picky about gender myself." That made Ichigo feel a little better. Knowing that he wasn't the only one.

"So who's the lucky guy?" Rukia pressed.

"I can't say," Ichigo said good mood falling again. "He doesn't want anyone to know."

"I see, that's why you're leaving…" Renji stated. "If he doesn't want to tell people then why don't you just move on?"

"I can't…" Ichigo said downing more of the drink. "I'm completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with him."

"You sound like you've got it bad," Rukia said patting his back comfortingly. Ichigo nodded.

"I'm so stupid. He hasn't even said he loves me yet… I don't think he ever will," Ichigo said with a humorless laugh.

"Is it too late? Or can I say it now?" came a deep voice from behind them that had Ichigo's eyes going wide. He turned around to see Byakuya standing there, for once his face wasn't emotionless and his eyes were red and his cheeks tear stained from crying. Ichigo was speechless.

**I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show and I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control. But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain. To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry.**

Ichigo stared at him in utter shock. He looked like he couldn't form words. Renji and Rukia looked just as surprised.

"Wait a minute!" Renji said finally recovering. "You mean the guy you're in love with is the Captain?" Ichigo didn't know what to say.

"Is that a problem Lieutenant?" Byakuya asked icily.

"No problem," Renji said shortly. "Come on Rukia I think it's time we leave Ichigo alone." Rukia nodded and left the bar with Renji but not before she stopped next to Byakuya.

"You better fix this nii-sama," she said coldly before leaving. Byakuya turned his attention back to the boy who was starting to fidget under his gaze.

"Can I speak with you?" the noble asked. Ichigo nodded not trusting his voice.

"First off I want to tell you that, I love you Ichigo Kurosaki." the noble said. Ichigo wasn't sure what to do. Fresh tears started to form in his eyes. He had thought that Byakuya was going to want to take this some place private and convince him to stay but here they were in the middle of a bar in front of a lot of people. If that didn't throw the carrot-top off then the warm kiss that he was pulled into did. The room went silent but neither cared. They were too absorbed into each other to notice anyone else. The kiss was sweet and slow; Byakuya poured ever ounce of his affection and love for the younger boy into it. The heady feeling left them both dizzy. Lungs burning and hearts pounding they reluctantly pulled apart. There were a lot of cheers from the other captains in the bar and some shouts of about time causing Ichigo to flush as pink as a strawberry.

He let Byakuya lead them out of the bar and back to the Kuchiki manor. They both knew that there was a lot for them to talk about but that could wait. For now Byakuya needed Ichigo to know exactly how much he loved him.

They made their way for the noble's bedroom losing their clothes as they went. Before they knew it Byakuya was lowering Ichigo to the bed sheering the young boy's lips with hot passionate kisses. He could already feel them both straining for release but he wanted to take this slow. He wanted to make sure that every action was filled with love. Slowly he kissed a trail down Ichigo's mouth to his jaw line and down his neck where he stopped momentarily to suck and nip at the soft flesh causing Ichigo to let out soft mewls that pleased the noble's ears. He brushed his hands over the vast expansion of Ichigo's sides and chest. He stopped when he reached one soft pink nub that was just begging for his attention. He pinched it lightly with his fingers before moving his mouth down to the small bud laving it with attention.

"Please…. Byakuya," Ichigo moaned beneath him. "Please stop teasing…" Byakuya raised his head to smile at his lover.

"But I want to show you how much I love you," he told the withering teen.

"I need you… Byakuya," Ichigo moaned as the noble went to lave his other nipple making sure that it received equal attention. Byakuya wasn't sure if he had ever been this aroused. The teen's pleading and moans were affecting him more than usual. But it could have been that he was being honest with his lover as well as himself that made it that more exciting.

The Kuchiki head reached over to a small wooden bowl on his bed side and dipped his fingers in to sweet jasmine scented oil that it contained. Making sure his fingers were well coated he turned his attention back to his lover. He lowered himself down to the teen's hard arousal and ran his tongue along the vein on the underside of it. The teen's eyes all but rolled into the back of his head. Byakuya had never done this for him before. While the teen was distracted he rubbed around the teen's entrance before he inserted one well lubed finger into Ichigo's tight behind. Ichigo didn't seem to notice the intrusion. So he moved his finger around trying to loosen the tight ring of muscle. When he felt that his lover was ready he inserted a second finger. He saw Ichigo wince from the intrusion. He took the boy into his mouth sucking it and licking at the same time to distract him from the pain. Only when Ichigo was rocking his hips in time with his fingers did Byakuya add the third finger.

The teen hissed out in pain. His lover allowed him time to adjust. Soon Ichigo was moaning out and rocking his hips once more. Byakuya pulled away from Ichigo causing a audible pop.

"Byakuya please… I… I need you," Ichigo moaned. The noble slicked himself down with the scented oil before aligning himself at Ichigo's prepared entrance. He entered his small lover slowly allowing him time to adjust to his size. Byakuya felt himself push past the first ring of muscles before they clamped down on him.

"Relax," the noble instructed. Ichigo took a deep breath as he relaxed his muscles so that Byakuya could enter him farther. It was everything Byakuya had not to simply pound into the boy's tight heat once he was fully seated inside his lover. He almost lost it at the feeling of Ichigo's silken walls surrounding him. Finally Ichigo wiggled his hips indicating that he was ready.

Byakuya pulled out slowly before thrusting back in. He kepy a slow and steady pace not wanting it to be over too quickly. Ichigo was moaning as spasms of pleasure wracked his body. When the noble changed his angle Ichigo was seeing stars.

"Ahhh, wha… what was that.." he moaned.

"That's your prostate," Byakuya informed. "Did you like that?" Ichigo nodded furiously as Byakuya hit the spot over anf over again causing him to see white. The noble snaked an arm around his lover's back as he arched off the bed pulling the boy into a sitting position. The new angle was too much for Ichigo.

"I'm gonna!" he cried out.

"It's ok just cum," Byakuya told him as he was close himself. Soon his strawberry was shaking in his arms, his cum spraying over both their stomachs.

"Byakuya!" he cried as he found his release. Byakuya soon followed as he felt Ichigo's tight walls clench around him making him spill his seed deep inside of his lover.

"Ahhh! Ichigo!" he cried as he came. He lowered them both onto the bed both tired.

"I love you," Byakuya told him. "I love with all my heart so please, please stay." he begged. Ichigo clung tight to him giving him an answer.

"I love you too, but I do have to visit my family tomorrow," Ichigo informed him.

"I see," the noble said a little sad.

"Come with me?" Ichigo asked. "I want to introduce you to my family." Byakuya stared at his lover trying to comprehend his words. He wanted him to meet his family.

"I would like that," he said finally. Ichigo smiled a bright smile that was reserved for the noble. They held each other close all night while Byakuya continued to whisper the words he knew his little strawberry needed to hear.

**END**

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**AN: So what u think? i wrote this in a rush when i was listening to the song so plz let me know what u think.**


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